Thursday, July 29, 2010


There are a few pretty basic life skills I could probably be better at. Like driving for instance. On the one hand, I can properly navigate a vehicle, and have never been in an accident. Also, I can drive a stick, which is pretty good for a chick I think. On the other hand, I’ve only pumped gas myself once in my life, and I don’t know how to parallel park. So I can’t really consider myself a great driver. This is ok though, because I live in a city, and don’t own a car. Other basic skills I fail at? Reading analog clocks, ever remembering to bring my shopping list with me to the store, having any sense of direction, and anything that has to do with calculating probability. (It’s good to recognize shortcomings and know when to outsource.)

Luckily, I have lots of decent skills too, which is why I’m employable. This is my blog however, not my resume, so I won’t list those here. What I’m going to talk about here is one of my more obscure and pretty useless skills. I am awesome at rock-paper-scissors.

I have been since I was a little kid. Usually I think nothing of this talent, since I am an adult, and the majority of my decisions with others are settled in more advanced ways than rock-paper-scissors. However, as of late, my exceptionally good rock-paper-scissors skills have been working in my favor.

After getting to the point where watching any more Dexter could probably be considered a criminal offence, Precisely and I have taken a break from TV for the past couple nights, and have been occupying ourselves instead with Monopoly. Precisely and I love Monopoly. With a passion. Real Estate, money, the opportunity to negotiate, what’s not to love? If our Monopoly playing skills in any way mimic what our actual real-estate business savvy is going to be like, then we’ll do just fine.

Playing Monopoly with only 2 people however isn’t quite as much fun as playing in groups. That is, until you add in your own rules, which we have. I won’t bore you with details, but one of them is that when you land on a piece of property you want to buy, you also have to win rock-paper-scissors before you can buy it.

I love this rule. Precisely is reconsidering the rule because he misses out on a lot of property. I tried explaining to him that rock-paper-scissors is just like poker, and that I can read people and tell what they’ll do next, which is why I win. He told me I was crazy, and there was no way I could do that, because he chooses something different every time, and there;s no way he has a "paper face". But I can. Or at least think I can and therefore self-fulfill that prophecy. Either way, rock-paper-scissors? I win almost every time. Probably should list that at the top of my resume…

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Sometimes, I wish I was more like Dana Scully, and not just because I could totally pull off a pants suit.

I wish I could say I didn't believe in fate. I believe we make our own destiny. That our choices and actions define us. I believe in hard work and self-fulfilling prophecies. But, sometimes I think we are given opportunities and chance encounters that are just too coincidental to be considered such. I wish I could be like Dana Scully, trusting science and skeptical of all else. (Although, even Scully couldn't deny the paranormal at times.) As much as I'd rather not, I believe that sometimes, some things happen for a reason.

Being a Type A personality, "going with the flow" is something I have always struggled with. I have many memories of my mother saying that phrase to me, often through clenched teeth. And thank God she did, or else who knows how I may have ended up.

The thing I often have to remind myself is that usually, the very best outcomes and opportunities arise just when I finally stop fighting and go with the flow. Sometimes, the Universe knows best. Moving to Pittsburgh, working in non profit, my best friends, meeting any guy who has been substantial in my life, my favorite travel stories, they all occurred without my planning them. The opportunity was suddenly there, and I went with it.

And as much as I like to plan. As much as I really do try to squeeze a lot out of each day. As driven and motivated and focused as I can be, sometimes, the best thing is just to be. To kiss more, and tweet less. To enjoy where I am right now.

I feel like I rushed through a lot of my life. As a kid I couldn't wait to be a teenager. As a teenager, I couldn't wait to stop feeling so angsty, move out of my parents house, and finally become an adult. Once in college I couldn't wait to be in the "real world." Now in the real world, I will say that while I am having more fun than I ever have before (umm, there's freedom AND disposable income!) I have also never been more aware of how totally and completely clueless I am, and part of me can't wait until I get to the point in life where there's some stability and wisdom and understanding of what it is I really want.

The thing about feeling angsty in your twenties is that you know why you're angsty. When you're seventeen and crazy full of hormones, you simply drive fast, while blaring Never Mind, blaming the suburbs, and your parents, and the fact that you have no legal rights. Once your somehow considered a grown-up, who do you have but yourself to blame for your angst?

Still, sometimes I wish I could, as many of us do I'm sure, visit my seventeen year old self and let her know how ok everything is going to be. How she's going to be happy, and fine, and no you're not fat, and just enjoy high school rather than counting down each day until college. Everything will be fine.

While I will admit that a part of me can't wait for my 30's. I mostly don't want my 30 year old self to look back and think "You are so ok at 23! Enjoy the uncertainty of every aspect of your life right now! There will never be another time when you are so unsure of everything, and therefor able to try anything! Everything will be great, you'll see."

So, I'm trusting the Universe and going with the flow. (Well, as long as the flow fits in with my plans.)

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Adventure Club

What is Adventure Club?

Adventure club is when we do awesome, fun things and call it adventure club. It started, for me at least, last summer, when I finally decided to get over my fear of biking and started taking my pretty vintage Schwinn I inherited out on the town.

(From Stuff White People Like. White women have a lot of fantasies about idealized lives, and one of them is living in Europe and riding around an old city on one of these bikes. They dream about waking up and riding to a little cafe, then visiting bakeries and cheese shops and finally riding home to prepare a fancy meal for their friends who will all eat under a canopy with white Christmas lights.)

While the Artist is busy road-tripping across the U.S., the other #1 Big Hurry fan, Precisely, and I decided that an adventure club outing here in the 'burgh was necessary.

It's July, so I can only assume that it is hot and humid all across the country, but it is HOT and HUMID here in Pittsburgh. So our adventure club outing consisted of biking up to Troy Hill where there is a spray park. Which is basically a play-ground consisting of sprinklers.

It also afforded some awesome views of the city.

OH HAI Pittsburgh!!!

The spray park. was. awesome. Seriously so much fun! And FREE! And what else could you possibly want to do in the middle of the day in this heat, then go play in cold water? Exactly. It was perfect.

The best part? Flying back down Troy Hill, still wet and feeling cool for the first time all day, into our great city.

I love it here.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

How I had the best break up of my life

I check my horoscope daily. Usually while I wait for the bus in the morning. And given that I check it from an app I downloaded for free, I try to not put too much stock into what it says. I mean really, I am an educated logical person. Especially because it usually in no way prepares me for the day ahead.

Every once in a while though, the Universe, regardless of your horoscope, seems to know what's up. And that certainly seemed to be the case last night when I checked out my Google Reader and saw a new A P O C A L Y P S T I C K post entitled How to Deal With a Break up. This seemed serendipitous because it occurred shortly after a phone call with GIBS, in which it was clarified that we want different things, and that he will no longer be the "Guy I've Been Seeing", but just a "Guy", I guess, from now on.

Anyway, I got ice cream with Precisely because, ummm, that's what you do right away of course, and then started drinking wine, and watched "How to Deal with a Break up" which is absolutely genius, and which I may or may not have spent the majority of last night quoting. Seriously you guys, watch this.

How To Get Over A Break-Up from Almie Rose on Vimeo.

Business Cards!!!

I will say, that while this situation caught me off-guard, and while it certainly sucks in a lot of ways, it's also maybe the best break-up or non-break-up (I don't know, what do you call it when you've ended things with someone who wasn't your bf?) I've ever had. For the first time, I was really honest, both with myself, and the person I was seeing about my level of interest, and what I wanted. I went on more than 3 dates! I went way out of my comfort zone putting myself out there, didn't get what I wanted, and will be ok. This whole experience has restored my faith in dating (at least a little).

I would have done nothing differently, it was an awesome month or so. So, thank you GIBS, for asking me out in the first place. It was really fun.

And bigger thank you's to Precisely, the Lady of Leisure, the Other #1 Big Hurry fan, the Artist, and RubbersoulLess, for buying me beers, listening, saying all the right things, closing out the bar with me on a Wednesday, and being more angry about this situation than I am. Y'all mean the world to me.

I will say this. I have the best friends. And I feel so lucky and a little smug that I have surrounded myself with such amazing individuals.

Monday, July 12, 2010

That time we thought we'd have to play Gin Rummy, then realized we don't own any cards.

For whatever reason, unbeknownst to us and Comcast, Precisely and I have been without internet OR cable since yesterday morning. Luckily, we live above Crazy Mocha, so I was able to get some work done in the morning over coffee, and even more luckily we both have iphones so no Mom, it wasn’t as bad as when I lost service while we were driving through Wisconsin. I could still internet stalk as necessary.

After about half an hour of conversation, we found ourselves sitting on the couch looking at each other and saying “so…now what”?

Which, yes, drives home how attached we are to our internet and to our On Demand. But also, seriously, SERIOUSLY, what did people do before??? It was like a power outage, except our lights worked. We thought about playing cards, but then realized we don’t have any.

So I continued to stain some shelves that are going in our kitchen. And staining is one of those projects that I always think are going to be great, until I’m about 5 minutes into it, and then I’m completely over it, so I guess it’s good I couldn’t be distracted by True Blood, ad finished the stupid shelves instead. Precisely watched me for a while, offered to help, and then busied himself with going through my computer when I offered him a brush.

He found old computer games I didn’t even know I had, which apparently got transferred over to my new macbook from my old ibook, and the next thing I know there are all kinds of weird sound effects and soundtracks coming out of my computer.

“Woah. Babe.” He said, “This game has a flying dinosaur…In a wormhole... In space!”

I glance up then continue with staining.

Even louder noises erupt from my laptop.

“ Oh no!” Precisely shouts, “My dinosaur just exploded!”

This. This is why the internet is a vital thing. Because without it, what do you do with computers? Play games where dinosaurs blow-up. Or Free cell. I dunno.

Comcast is coming today, Thank God. Also, I’m buying some cards just in case.

Sunday, July 4, 2010

While Getting Ready for a Party on Saturday Night...

Precisely gets a phone call from the Lady of Leisure who was also accompanying us to said party. "What should you wear?" I hear him ask. "I don't know." "What is Kelsey wearing? Hang on."

Precisely comes into my room, looks at me, rolls his eyes and answers "She's still in her underwear. She has a feather on her head. She looks like Carrie Bradshaw getting ready, she's got a glass of wine in one hand and a curling iron in the other." Shakes head and walks out.

At the party I was told by no less than 4 gay men on 4 separate occasions that a) I looked pretty or b) they liked my hair. All in all, a successful Saturday night.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

That One Time Social Media Totally Backfired and Completely Embarrassed Me... WHILE ON A DATE!

If you read this blog (HI GRANDMAMA), you know that it is not anonymous. I firmly believe that if you put something out on the internet, then it is public regardless of what your security settings are or how hard you try to hide your identity. There are algorithms, and codes, and tracking devices (probably), and while I don’t know how all that works, there are nerds and hackers that do.

All that being said, I’m very comfortable with people finding me online. Friend me on facebook, follow me on twitter, google me, addictomatic me, I don’t care, there’s nothing to hide. Family, friends, coworkers, we can all be connected on line. We’re all friends. There is no public and personal life on line, it’s all public. I thought this approach to Social Media was very smart of me. And maybe it still is. But last night, I finally got burned.

So, I’ve been seeing this guy. And until I come up with a better nickname for him on the blog, we will refer to him as “Guy I’ve Been Seeing” or GIBS for short (and this is what happens, GIBS, when you say sure, I can write about you just don’t use your real name).

In a long ago post, I mentioned how I rarely go out with guys on more than 3 dates, so when it happens, it’s exciting. You know what else is exciting? Dating someone for like a month, who is a fun and interesting person, who your friends approve of, who makes you laugh, and who also happens to be a good kisser.

You know what isn’t exciting? Or fun? When you’ve just had a great date, and he’s about to drive you home, and checks his iPhone, and asks if you know someone who has requested to follow him on twitter because you share the same last name as this person, and you realize in horror, that the request came from your mother!

Did. Not. See that one coming. Ever.

My Mom refuses to join facebook. She only has a twitter account because I set it up for her. She has never tweeted. She only follows 2 people. Me and @Coro_Pittsburgh. Yet somehow, this happened.

So of course, I was so embarrassed. How does one handle that situation??? What do you say? “Oh yea, guy I’ve been seeing for a month, that’s my Mom who requested to follow you on Twitter.”

GIBS to his credit, was a good sport about the whole thing, and laughed and said his Mom would have done the same thing if she was on twitter, (only she’s not and she didn’t). He did text me later that night, so apparently he hasn’t been scared off thinking me or my family is totally crazy. Or maybe he does and is ok with that anyways.

I called my Mom the next day, and she had no idea she requested anything of anyone. She apparently was trying to open some hyperlink I had tweeted, and started hitting buttons. She kept asking me “But how did I do that?” I don’t know Mom. I just know somehow you did.

Once she thought about the situation, she cracked up. “Oh honey,” she said in between laughs, “I’m sorry. Tell him,” more laughter “it was completely unintentional.” laughs.

Sigh. Parents and technology.


I booked my ticket to Israel this morning, and am so excited that I'm tempted to be typing this in caps lock, but that's obnoxious, so I'm showing a little self control.

Me! In Israel! For a week! With the other #1 Big Hurry Fan! ISRAEL!!! Tel Aviv, and Jerusalem, and the Dead Sea! L'Chaim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!