Today in my Coaching Session...

Me: I have my whole life to settle!  Why start now?

My Coach: I think that might be my favorite quote of the week.


I win!

P.S. - I think anyone can benefit from working with a coach, but especially if your a twenty something, do it.  It's totally worth the investment, and has been awesome.

Irrefutable Signs That I am Indeed, A Grown-Up. Maybe...

I think one of the interesting events of the quarter life crisis is being grown-up, while not quite being an adult.  The constant juxtaposition of these two extremes can be liberating, frightening, funny, and quite frankly exhausting.  Lately I've found myself experiencing some things that are irrefutably "grown-up" yet they are quickly followed by another event which is undeniably childish.  For example:

Grown-up thing: I receive emails notifying me I've been "payed dividends", and I'm not playing monopoly.
Childish Contradiction: I still consider giving up groceries for a week in order to buy shoes a perfectly reasonable way to maintain a budget.


Grown-up thing: As much as I love my Ikea bed, I'm kind of starting to wish it was a little higher off of the ground.
Childish Contradiction: I make my bed roughly 14 times...a year.

Grown-up thing: Being introduced by someone as their "boss".  

Childish Contradiction: Daily dance parties at my desk complete with hair flipping when my boss is out of the office.

Grown-up thing: I used to go out with waiters or musicians or students, usually after meeting them at a bar or at house parties.  Now, I find myself hanging out with accountants and flirting with doctors while being introduced to professors at fundraising events, and getting invitations to meet lawyers over a game of squash.
Childish Contradiction: Still being too self-centered for any kind of "serious" relationship.  Also, do musicians ever stop being appealing?




Grown-up thing: I live with only one other person in a nice apartment with real furniture that we did not inherit, but purchased.
Childish Contradiction: I'm pretty sure that getting house plants might be too much responsibility.


Grown-up thing: I'd say a good 2/3 of my wardrobe now could be considered 'professional attire'.
Childish Contradiction: I only do laundry once a month.  Actually, it's probably more like once every 5 weeks.  I have bought new underwear, sheets, and pants to avoid laundry.  When I do, do laundry, I separate nothing, throw everything in the dryer and hope for the best.


Grown-up thing:  I've lately been buying wine by the box.  This is convenient since a box lasts much longer than a bottle.  Also, it's fiscally and environmentally more responsible than buying by the bottle.
Childish Contradiction: Inevitably you get to the end of the wine, and have to pull apart the box and take out the bag to squeeze that last glass out.  This never, never, never feels remotely like an adult thing to do.

So I imagine that some of these habits will change as I continue to navigate the weird phase of being a twenty-something.  Someday, I will buy a car, and won't eat crackers and hummus for dinner so often, and will maybe even start to think of myself of being an adult instead of an adolescent with a credit card.  Other things though, like the office dance parties I hope I never grow out of.

Sometimes, I wish I was more like Dana Scully, and not just because I could totally pull off a pants suit.

I wish I could say I didn't believe in fate. I believe we make our own destiny. That our choices and actions define us. I believe in hard work and self-fulfilling prophecies. But, sometimes I think we are given opportunities and chance encounters that are just too coincidental to be considered such. I wish I could be like Dana Scully, trusting science and skeptical of all else. (Although, even Scully couldn't deny the paranormal at times.) As much as I'd rather not, I believe that sometimes, some things happen for a reason.

Being a Type A personality, "going with the flow" is something I have always struggled with. I have many memories of my mother saying that phrase to me, often through clenched teeth. And thank God she did, or else who knows how I may have ended up.

The thing I often have to remind myself is that usually, the very best outcomes and opportunities arise just when I finally stop fighting and go with the flow. Sometimes, the Universe knows best. Moving to Pittsburgh, working in non profit, my best friends, meeting any guy who has been substantial in my life, my favorite travel stories, they all occurred without my planning them. The opportunity was suddenly there, and I went with it.

And as much as I like to plan. As much as I really do try to squeeze a lot out of each day. As driven and motivated and focused as I can be, sometimes, the best thing is just to be. To kiss more, and tweet less. To enjoy where I am right now.

I feel like I rushed through a lot of my life. As a kid I couldn't wait to be a teenager. As a teenager, I couldn't wait to stop feeling so angsty, move out of my parents house, and finally become an adult. Once in college I couldn't wait to be in the "real world." Now in the real world, I will say that while I am having more fun than I ever have before (umm, there's freedom AND disposable income!) I have also never been more aware of how totally and completely clueless I am, and part of me can't wait until I get to the point in life where there's some stability and wisdom and understanding of what it is I really want.

The thing about feeling angsty in your twenties is that you know why you're angsty. When you're seventeen and crazy full of hormones, you simply drive fast, while blaring Never Mind, blaming the suburbs, and your parents, and the fact that you have no legal rights. Once your somehow considered a grown-up, who do you have but yourself to blame for your angst?

Still, sometimes I wish I could, as many of us do I'm sure, visit my seventeen year old self and let her know how ok everything is going to be. How she's going to be happy, and fine, and no you're not fat, and just enjoy high school rather than counting down each day until college. Everything will be fine.

While I will admit that a part of me can't wait for my 30's. I mostly don't want my 30 year old self to look back and think "You are so ok at 23! Enjoy the uncertainty of every aspect of your life right now! There will never be another time when you are so unsure of everything, and therefor able to try anything! Everything will be great, you'll see."

So, I'm trusting the Universe and going with the flow. (Well, as long as the flow fits in with my plans.)