Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Type A's Don't Settle

The latest show I've been netflixing is Big Love. As such I've been thinking about marriage more than usual. Then last night, I read an article by Lori Gottlieb about her new book "Marry Him" and her whole case for why women should stop expecting to fall in love and just settle for a guy who will marry them.


I know that this is nothing new, and that her mantra has been heard before, but I still resent hearing that at 40, as a woman, my career, education, and even falling in love won't matter to me as much as just being married. I also realize that I have a good 13 years ahead of me before I have to start worrying about the condition of my eggs, so having a child, and consequently meeting the father of my children, is about the thing furthest from my mind at this point.

Here's the thing. I want to fall in love, and get married, and have babies. Someday. But, the first part of that statement is to fall in love. I realize that the fireworks stop and dopamine levels drop off and relationships morph into a comfortable partnership that is married life. However, after 15 years, when I hate how he sings in the shower, and he can't stand my chewing pens, and we fight about money, and vacations, and how to raise our children, I'm going to need to be able to remember back to a time when we were crazy about each other.

Lori claims that at forty, you just want a teammate, someone to share the household responsibilities with etc. Well I say, if at 40 I'm still single, I'll hire a house manager. Or get a roommate. She also cites Will and Grace as being "the most romantic couple I can think of". Well I'm in a real life Will and Grace relationship, so I guess we already win.

I'm not going to settle. I'm going to hold out for someone who renders me unable to think straight after kissing, and someone who I'll want my friends and family to care for, someone who I'll be crazy enough about to say yea, I want my life to be your life, and vice versa.

And if that means I run the risk of still dating at 40? So be it.

1 comment:

  1. Amen sister! I never have (or will) get the "settling part." As I'm just two months away from turning 30 (after being in countless weddings and attending countless weddings), only time will tell if I walk down the aisle. And, if I do, it's because I've experienced the "Can't live without you, inconvenient, true chemistry kind of love." Until then, I'm single and loving it.