Slinging Hotdogs

Since I decided to become a garbage woman in Haiti, little about my professional life surprises me anymore. However, when I returned to the world of restaurant service after 5 years in order to make some cash so that I can continue pursuing garbage, I was surprised to rediscover that I love waitressing.

I'm working at the new Franktuary location on Butler street in Lawrenceville, and it is a blast. Here's why:

There is a severe lack of crazy people working there. This is extremely rare for restaurants. Everyone is nice and respectful and helpful and fun. Also, they're interesting. On the rare occasions we find ourselves with time to chat I've found myself discussing community development in Pittsburgh, waste management projects in Ghana, and neurology of caterpillars in metamorphosis. Fascinating.

It's fast-paced, and doesn't follow you home. I know myself well enough to know that staying busy keeps me organized, productive, and happy. Too much unstructured free time, and I'll spend too much time alone in my own head, and get mopey. This is perfect, because its busy and distracting work that doesn't take away mental energy from Thread. When my shift is done, I leave, that's it.

It's Pittsburgh. So I see people I know every time I work. Which, can be both a blessing and a curse, but mostly is fun to get to see people I haven't for a while.

It's cash. I manage my finances better when I operate in cash. I budget better, save more, something about the physicality of it makes it work better for me. I know there are a thousand budgeting tools and apps out there, but I like dealing in cash.

It's a work out. Standing and running around for hours and carrying trays. If I don't get a run in on a day I work, I don't have to feel too bad about it, because I'm not spending that time sitting around doing desk work.

There are aspects of starting a business that are undesirable. I'm grateful that this solution to needing a part time job isn't one of them.

The Pursuit of Happiness

In the past couple of years there has been a lot of philosophizing of happiness, as evidenced by the hundreds of books, blog posts, and articles written on how to find, maintain, and exude happiness.

Happiness is all fine and good, but apparently not what we should be spending our time chasing. I read a fascinating article this morning on how pursuing happiness, actually leads to unhappiness, and how instead it is a meaningful and interesting life we should be in pursuit of. I was so captivated, that I kept reading quotes from it out-loud, distracting my co-workers, because I needed to talk about it with someone right away, which ended up leading a great inter-office discussion.

Like this one, "To the European, it is a characteristic of the American culture that, again and again, one is commanded and ordered to 'be happy'. But happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. One must have a reason to 'be happy.'"

How many times have you found yourself being told to 'be happy'? Probably lots. But that shouldn't be the goal. We should be encouraging each other to go find a meaningful reason to live.

Statistically speaking, our American culture is miserable. We're one of the most depressed, anxious, medicated, and unhealthy countries on the planet. We're afraid of everything, and measure our success in material consumption, which is occurring at a rate that will literally be the end of the world.

The problem is that happiness in and of itself is easy. And boring.

Meaning is hard. And stressful. And requires you to give more than you take. The result of a life lived with meaning however, is a sense of calm and moments of euphoria that make happiness pale in comparison.

Maybe this is more of a semantics game than anything else. I don't think that happiness is a four-letter word, or that it shouldn't factor into how you design your life, but there is obviously danger in making it the end goal, and not a by-product of the genuine search for a meaning you can dedicate yourself wholeheartedly to.

Being happy isn't good enough. Your life deserves something bigger.

Reflecting on 2012

It's the time of year when us overachievers take a moment to look at our life, look at our choices, and write about it on the internet. I am no exception, and have spent a wonderful holiday week hanging out with my family, relaxing, reflecting, and strategic planning the crap out of 2013. The world did not end this year, but there were times in these last 12 months, that I felt like I was acting like it was.

I did some big, scary things this year.

And to be honest, not all of it has turned out ok.

I'm broke. I got my heart broken. I have no idea what my life might look like in the next 2 months, let alone year, and this scares me.

However, I don't think I've ever lived more authentically, and now that I'm getting a clearer picture of how to do that, and what that means to me, there's no turning back.

If there's one thing I can take away from this year, it's that things are so much less scary on the other side.

And while some of the downsides to my decisions have certainly sucked, suckiness is temporary, and there is also so much good that has come out of it.  I would do every moment of 2012 again, without hesitation.

I am so grateful to be doing what I'm doing. To wake up in the morning excited, and to be challenged and learning on a daily basis. I am blown away by the people that have come into my life this past year, and am amazed by the connections that have been strengthened with people I've known. I love the city I call home, and am thankful for my body and the physical shape I am in.

2012 was scary, and hard, but omg so much fun. And now that I'm safely on the other side of some of those big risky decisions, I am excited to go into 2013. To spend less attention and energy on worry and fear, and more focus on who and what I love.

I'll be ringing in the new year in two nights with some of my favorite people and lots of Prosecco. Then, it's time to get to work. There's a lot to do and look forward to on the other side.

382.2

382.2 miles. That's how many miles I've run since August 6 when I began training for my Third marathon, which I ran on Sunday.

4:32:10 was how long it took me to run the 26.2 miles throughout Philadelphia.  4:30:00 was the goal I set for myself back in August when I started training.

It was a lofty goal, and I liked having a new challenge added to a race I had done twice, but honestly, I didn't think I would even come close to making it.

But sometimes, you just have a good run. And that's what happened on Sunday. More intensive training, a good understanding of how to hydrate and feed myself in a marathon, and a lot of hill work (training in Pittsburgh makes "hills" in Philadelphia seem quaint) certainly contributed to 4:32:10. But it was also just a great run.

I didn't stop or walk at all until after mile marker 16 - that's the longest I've ever run without walking before. Every time I checked my watch as I hit another mile marker, I remember thinking "I can't believe I'm still on pace! I can't believe I'm still running!"

In Manayunk, as we approached mile 20, I began bracing myself for the wall. The point in which your glycogen stores are totally depleted, and you begin cramping, your legs start seizing, and you generally feel exhausted.

Have you ever experienced your eyelashes and fingernails and teeth being tired? That's the level of fatigue you feel in the last leg of a marathon. Not to mention the parts of you actually involved in the run.

Instead, at mile 20, I experienced one of the most intense runner's high of my life.  Rather than feeling tired, I felt terrific. I ran back up the "hill" out of Manayunk towards Kelly drive for the final stretch with enough dopamine flooding my system to get me to mile 22 smiling.

When my legs did finally start cramping up at mile 24, I had less than a 5k left, and it's way easier to talk yourself through 2 miles of pain than 6 miles.  I started to slow down a bit, and crossed the finish line with not much left to give. And that's the goal in a race - to finish having used everything you've got.

I finished just 2 minutes over my goal time. Half an hour faster than I finished one year ago.

It's scary when you push yourself to the edge of yourself. Not just in running, in anything you do that is totally out of your comfort zone and away from anything familiar. But it is incredible and surprising what you are capable of when you do.

Notes from Hanging out with my Sister

While waiting for food at the deli...

Me - "I'm sorry, I keep staring at this woman behind you, because I really like her hair. Between this and seeing Emma Watson's short hair, I kind of just want to chop mine all off."

Lynn - "Don't."

Me - "...ok..."


While watching an episode on Parks and Recreation...

Me - "Sometimes I worry that I will lit-relly become Chris Traeger."

Lynn - "Yes."

Me - "No! You're supposed to tell me I'm too well-balanced for that to ever happen, and I'll be fine."

Lynn - ::blinks::  ::sighs:: ::raises eyebrows:: "No Kelsey, you'll be fine."


While walking home after ice cream procurement...

Me - "Do I sound crazy?"

Lynn - "No. You sound like you need to be more comfortable not being in absolute control over everything."

Me - "Have you met me?"

Lynn - "You just need to spend more time in the woosh. Like me."



For as much as she drove me crazy growing up, I'm so grateful for her.

High Standards

High standards. I have them. Every personality test I've ever taken, astrological chart I've ever consulted, and most people who know me has told me so.

I try to surround myself with people who are the same.  You know the theory that you are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with? I hope that theory is true, because I really like those people.

The Thread team has incredibly high standards. Everything I work on is worked, and re-worked, and then revised again, and again, and again.  I can have a fairly high level of attention to details, but I will be honest, sometimes the revising stage drives me crazy.  I want to yell, "It's good enough!" and move on to the next project. But it's not good enough, and luckily for me, I work with people who will not settle until we have reached excellence.

It is exhilarating and exhausting all at the same time to work like that.  On the one hand, you can't be starting a business without caring about everything that much. On the other, nothing is more miserable than being a perfectionist, and its nearly impossible to maintain the bandwidth to care that much about everything you're working on.

"Does it bother you," Lee asked me the other day, "that what you present is technically a final product, but that then we all pour over every detail and offer a ton of feedback and ask for 50 revisions?"

"That is what will make us great!" Ian responded before I had a chance to.

But I agree with him, and said so. Because I've worked the other way, where my first draft was the final copy, and while you can exist like that, you don't grow.

Growth is not comfortable. It's hard work, it's scary because it exists largely in unfamiliar territory, it is tiring and sometimes hurts.

And so, while receiving a million suggestions and requests for changes, or being told, "it's almost there, keep working with it, you'll figure it out," when I think it's good enough, can make me nuts.  I also know that when all is said and done, what we've completed is high quality work we are proud of. I am being pushed to do more, and learn more, and create more.  I hope we never stop challenging each other like that.

And that, is what will make us great.

The Dress

Sometimes, you find a piece of clothing just in time for a specific event that fits you like it was made for you, and you thank the fashion gods for your good clothing karma.

Personally, I belong to the more practical school of thought that believes when you find something you love that fits you well, you buy it whether or not you have someplace to wear it to, because that way, when events/dates/presentations/whatever do arise you already have something to wear. Also, it's pretty much stated in Murphy's law that if you go shopping for a specific event, you will inevitably find nothing you like, and no one likes to have a break down in a dressing room.

So, when my boss and CEO of Thread was nominated for this year's 40 under 40 and I knew a dressed up evening was in order I mentally rifled through the dresses I have for occasions such as this, and decided on a cocktail dress I made for a cousin's wedding a couple of years ago, and that was that.

Until, that is, the perfect dress literally showed up on my doorstep the night before.

My grandparents recently moved full-time to Florida, and my parents spent a weekend in Chicago helping them with the packing and organization and general awfulness that is moving.

My grandmother, it needs to be noted, has impeccable taste and I have been fortunate enough to have inherited a few of her pieces over the years, which I love.  My mother, has a knack for knowing when something will fit me well even when its not obvious on a hanger. (She spotted my prom-dress in an overwhelmingly crowded vintage store, and to this day I've never loved a dress more.)

Anyway, my Mom saw a dress my grandmother was donating to Goodwill while helping to pack for the move, thought it would look good on me, so took it and shipped it to me, where it came into my possession the night before this event.

And it was perfect. Fit like I had made it myself. Accentuated everything you want to draw to attention to, while hiding everything you want hid. It was comfortable, glamorous, and elegant.

The event was a blast. My team and friends and adopted extended family had a great time celebrating some awesome 'burghers and eating, drinking, dancing, and being merry. It had been a long week, and having a couple hours to simply celebrate and enjoy each others company was a joy.

And I felt beautiful, which is such a trite and shallow thing right? Except that it's important. It's important sometimes in the midst of living to get dressed up, go to a party, and feel beautiful.