It Must Be Nice

Today I quit my gym.

I do this every year when it starts to warm up and running outside doesn't make me want break down into a sobbing mess. I did it early this year, because in 2 weeks I am moving to Paris until the end of April, and when I get back it should be spring in Pittsburgh.

(If we're still experiencing polar vortexes in April, I am convincing the EU to grant me a visa and am not coming back.)

Anyway, the gym manager of course asked me why I was ending my membership, and I told him about Paris, and how I have a job that allows me to work from where I want, so I was taking advantage of that.

"Must be nice," he replied. He said this twice in our brief conversation actually.

To which I smiled and said, "It is. I'm really excited."

Because it is nice. In fact, it is thrilling. I can't quite believe that this is my life right now, because this kind of thing - picking up and moving to Paris for funsies - is something I thought about, and read about, but didn't think would actually happen to me.

Much of my life now consists of things that for a while I didn't think would happen to me.

And it didn't just happen. I didn't just wake up one morning with a job that required travel and therefor gave me airline mileage points so that I could accrue a free flight to France. I didn't suddenly have a job structured in a way with colleagues who trust me enough for me to leave the continent for 5 weeks and still operate business as usual. I didn't suddenly have a job I find invigorating and fulfilling and that challenges me.

All of this took time and effort and sacrifice and the trust and support of a lot of people. And it could all go away very quickly.

It is worth it though. So worth it. Building a life you really want is worth every moment of fear and stress. It is worth every breakdown, every panic attack, every time you question 'what did I get myself into?'

Things like moving to Paris, or landing your dream job, or running 150 miles in the desert don't just happen. The people who do those things rarely just get lucky and find themselves in the midst of that kind of situation. Those experiences are hard to get to. So hard, that they seem impossible until it's happening. So hard, that even when you are experiencing so much joy from doing that impossible thing, there will still be fear and doubt and uncertainty.

If you want it though, it's worth it. Or at least worth what you learn in the process of trying.

Life is too short for "must be nice"'s.

Do the work. Make the time. Save the money. Experience what must be nice.

A Conversation with my Mother on "Groundhog Day" , and while she Might Think I'm Crazy, I think I Make Total Sense

My Mom visited this past weekend.  She came out with some neighbors who were checking out the University of Pittsburgh.  It was a really fun weekend (it's always fun to show off Pittsburgh to people visiting for the first time).  We drank champagne (because I was all out of regular wine), I put her to work crafting for Love of Friends (she's a teacher, cutting things and crafting is a talent of hers), and at one point we started talking about the movie Groundhog Day.

Mom: "That's a movie I would like to watch.  I haven't seen that in ages."

Me:  "Yea, that's a good movie.  Well, we could certainly rent that."
        "Man that would suck.  Out of all the days to have to relive...Groundhog day?  Really?"
        "Although, I guess it would be better than re-living, say, Christmas over and over and over."

Mom: "Why???"

Me:  "Because, then it would be like that story you read to us as kids about the boy who wishes it was Christmas every day, and then Christmas was absolutely horrible!"

Mom:  "I guess reliving Christmas every day would not be so great."

Me:  "Really, the only way it wouldn't be so bad, is if you were re-living a totally normal, boring uneventful day over and over."

Mom: "wait, what?"

Me:  "You know, a totally average day, then it wouldn't be so bad to relive it, cause really, Tuesdays aren't all that different from Wednesdays, and most of the time you can't really tell the week days apart anyways, so it wouldn't be so bad.  Maybe you're living Tuesday over again, but maybe it's actually Wednesday which just feels a lot like Tuesday."

Mom:  "Ew, that's weird.  Why do you think that?"

The discussion kind of ended there because I was exhausted and went to bed.

But I still think I'm right, and not that I'd like to have to live any day over and over again, but if I did, I'd want it to be some random boring Tuesday over Christmas or any other holiday for sure.  I feel like when it's all said and done, the special occasions and holidays are great, but what we'll really miss are the boring average every-days.  What do you think?