The Happiest Place on Earth.

One of my roommates moved out this week. Unfortunately it was the domestic roomate who had also apparently supplied a lot of things that are necessary to a household which you never think about until they're gone. Things like:

- a broom

- a kettle

- pots and pans

- tupperware

Luckily, the new roommate who is replacing her brought some great pots and pans, so, she can stay. The other good thing about this situation is that it necessitates a trip to the happiest place on earth...IKEA!

I've had a lot of discussion with people about Ikea, and it seems that most people feel pretty extreme about the Swedish furniture store, and either like me, think that honestly this had better be what any kind of worthwhile after-life is like, or absolutely hate the place, and suffer from panic attacks brought on by the overwhelmingness that is Ikea.

Here are some of the reasons Ikea is so awesome.

- They have a playplace for your kids. This is a win-win...win situation for everyone involved. Parents can spend time childless picking out furniture, kids get to play in a ball-pit, Ikea makes more money off of parents having childless time to shop. My first exposure to Ikea was as a child who hung out in the play area. It was great.

- Food! $0.50 hotdogs, $1 frozen yogurts, cinnamon rolls, Swedish meatballs, it's all so good! Shopping is hard y'all. You need sustenance.

- They're still a privately owned company. Ok, I guess not everyone would find this awesome, but I find it fascinating that for an organization of it's size, Ikea still hasn't gone public.

- They have so many things you need, or don't realize you need until you're there, and then you HAVE to buy them because they're only like $5, and have a ridiculous name, and are cleverly packaged.

So, right, Ikea, it's awesome. Here's how to get the most out of your next Ikea excursion. While, I don't necessarily like telling people "You're doing it wrong!" The following guide is based on years of Ikea-shopping experience. I wonder if they'd hire me for something like this...

Anyways, how to get the most out of your Ikea shopping experience.

1. Going to Ikea is nothing like going to the grocery store, Target, or the Gap. Ikea is an event. Therefor, do not even bother if you are not going to treat it as such, and devote a good chunk of hours to your shopping excursion.

2. Upon arrival, get yourself a cart, and a hotdog. The $0.50 hotdog provides a nice combination of carbohydrates and protein which will be necessary for the next couple of hours.

3. Walk through the display areas. Take your time. Enjoy yourself. Look at how they have things arranged. Have a pen and paper handy, or take notes on your iphone, to remember the names of items you want, because they're all in Swedish, and you will not remember them.

4. Once you've walked through the displays, you get to the best part. The Marketplace!!! Here is where you find all of that awesome aforementioned stuff that you can't live without. The place can seem kind of confusing, but it's really just a giant circle, and there are arrows on the floor so actually, it's not confusing at all. Be sure to circle through a couple times, because otherwise you will miss important can't-live-without items. I personally prefer going through 3 times, just to be sure.

5. After you've finished up, bring your goodies to the check-out line and don't forget to check out the items they have right before the cash registers, because that is seriously where they keep the best stuff, and you will be very sorry if you pass it up.

6. After you've paid, treat yourself to a frozen yogurt cone for $1, and if you've timed your trip right, and they are close to closing for the day, you can buy cinnamon rolls for half the price, which is basically free, so you'd be a fool not to.

And that, is how you properly shop at Ikea.

It's always entertaining when you're hanging out with entertainers.

Some things I learned this past weekend when I took my Big Hurry "fan" status up to the "groupie" level and followed them across the state to see them play in Philly.

- The "get directions from current location" aspect of the map app on my phone is. the. best.

- They don't sell 40's in Newtown.

- They do however, sell 4 packs of mini-bottles of champagne.

- Nothing compares to an authentic Philly cheesesteak.

- Deep friers at after parties=great ideas.

- Vegan bacon, while relatively tasty should not be allowed to be called bacon.

- Dani Buncher's propensity to play drums barefoot cannot be just a stylistic move. You couldn't have payed me to be barefoot in that venue.

- My fellow #1 Big Hurry fan is a great driver.

- There was a lot of talk about the snow Philadelphia got, but as someone who just drove across the entire state, I'm here to tell you that we here in Pittsburgh got it the worst.

- I still know how to flirt.

- Crowds still go nuts over early '90s covers.

- Big Hurry is awesome.

Where am I?

I love airports. Why? Because they are impossible to get lost in. Everything is clearly marked, in large signs, named A,B,C, 1,2,3. Airports are the best.

You know what I hate? College campuses. Unless you went to school there, and even if you did, they are the most confusing, poorly marked places on earth.

I am terrible with directions. Seriously awful. The first time I drove to the grocery store when I got my driver's license, I had to ask my Mom for directions. To the grocery store. The one I had been going to for the past 16 years.

This being the case, I usually do extra research when going someplace new for the first time. Google Satellite image is maybe the best thing to ever happen to me.

So, on Monday when my boss asked me to fill in for her at a career fair at CMU, I said sure. Unfortunately, I didn't carefully read the email about said career fair that she forwarded to me.

This morning, I got to CMU's campus relatively early and decided to text my sister.

Dude. I'm on your campus on the 4th floor ballroom of the Student Union. Come say hi! And bring me a coffee!

I started walking up the stairs, and when I got to floor 3 realized that it was the last floor. Huh. That's when I got a call from my sister.

"What do you mean 4th floor?" she asked. "This building only has 3."

"Yea" I answered, "Just realized that."

"Well, I have a coffee for you. Come down to the first floor and meet me."

Somehow, I miss the first floor, go upstairs, go back downstairs, get even more lost, and find myself passing by a poster advertising the career fair I was supposed to be at. The career fair happening at Duquesne University. Crap.

Finally, completely disoriented I call my sister.

"I hate this building!" I yelled. "I'm standing between FedEx and PNC, where am I?!?"

Her, snicker. "You're in the basement. Can you just stay there? I'll come get you."

Me, "Fine. Also, I think I'm supposed to be at Duquesne."

Her, full on laughter "Oh wow. Ok. Stay there."

I eventually got out of the building, got my coffee, and got to Duquesne. Eventually.

Sneaky Snakes

See this attempted delivery notice? I was all excited thinking I had a package waiting at the post office for me, when I noticed that I for some reason needed to call an 800 number. Then, I flipped the notice over and discovered that not only was it a fake delivery notice, it was Verizon trying to trick me by telling me a free cell phone was waiting to be shipped to me and all I have to do is call to have it delivered and it's mine. Oh, and sign a two year contract, and a whole lot of other fine print I didn't bother reading.

The hilarious thing is, the free phone in question was a flip phone! Verizon, if you're trying to win me back, at the very least offer me some kind of smart phone.

The fact is, I have an iphone now Verizon, and I am never going back.

Google is the new Freud

The past weekend was great. Big Hurry show, shopping, an all nighter spent sewing tote bags, Love of Friends, a college party at my sister's, Presidents day brunch. All in the course of 4 or so days. Fun. Lot's of fun. But come yesterday evening after my first day back at work, I was so tired I was convinced I was going to fall asleep on the bus and accidentally ride the 54c all the way to the Northside. Or wherever it goes after that. I've never stayed on that long.

Anyways, I came home, ate some crackers and hummus, or as I like to call it, one of my favorite dinners, and then went to bed. It was 7:30 pm. I slept until 7am this morning. It was needed. It was delightful, I woke up all kinds of refreshed.

I love sleeping, and one reason is it is incredibly entertaining. For as long as I can remember dreaming has been awesome. My dreams are usually vivid, and memorable, and I enjoy them very much thank you.

Except last night, they were just weird. I mean after 12 hours what is my subconscious supposed to come up with but weird? Usually I can deal with weird, but then the thing happened with my teeth.

I've never once had a recurring dream. But, there is a recurring situation that creeps up every once in a while involving my teeth falling out. It's always a different context, but they fall out, and it's upsetting, and I wake up all nervous and anxious to brush my teeth.

So I decide to google this to see what's up, and was directed to dreammoods.com. Apparently, dreams of your teeth falling out are one of the most common dream scenarios they receive inquiries about. Way to be original subconscious. Here was their diagnosis...

One theory is that dreams about your teeth reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Another rationalization for these falling teeth dream may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation. These dreams are an over-exaggeration of your worries and anxiety. -- Well of course I'm worried about my appearance and perception by others. I'm a twenty-something woman living in America. But I wouldn't say it's been on my mind any more than usual.

In the latest research, it has been shown that women in menopause have frequent dreams about teeth. -- Again, probs not.

In the Greek culture, when you dream about loose, rotten, or missing teeth, it indicates that a family member or close friend is very sick or even near death.
 -- That's upsetting, so I'm not even considering it.

According to the Chinese, there is a saying that your teeth will fall out if your are telling lies.

 -- I'm a notoriously bad liar. Seriously awful. Like it would probably be better for me to learn to be a better liar, bad.

Because I don't like any of these explanations, I'm going to make up my own. I think the teeth thing was symbolic of the guilt I feel over having done nothing about my new year's resolution to go to the dentist. Alright, I get it. I'll make an appointment. Can I go back to dreaming about Don Draper again please?

When we've come down with cabin fever. And everyone's wearing sweaters, we'll know. It's time.

There's a line in the song "Cabin Fever" by Casey Dienel that goes I'm settling in for the long winter months, with all the friends I can handle. Which, basically sums up how I've gone about surviving the last couple days, as Pittsburgh continues to get snow shower after snow shower and basically be a complete mess.

A snow day? Fun. A snow week? Trying. I read once that the term cabin fever came about due to the pioneers being locked in their cabins with their wood-burning stoves, and going mad from carbon monoxide poisoning. We may not be getting slowly poisoned, but our house is party central for the upcoming Love of Friends v-day bash and therefor looks like this.

This is what sewing 200 totebags and creating decorations out of the scraps looks like. On the one hand, it's been a blessing, because, well, we have lot's of crafting to keep us occupied while stuck indoors. On the other hand, this is what I'm stuck inside living with. So... yea, lot's of cabin fever.

Luckily, everyone's been pretty much feeling this way, so getting out of the house in groups has been great. Last night, we headed to the huge cemetery nearby for sledding.

Unfortunately, the sledding didn't quite work out as well as we'd hoped, but we did snowball fight, and fell backwards into big drifts of snow, and had a great time talking about the likelihood of zombies showing up at any moment. Mostly, it was just nice getting out.

Today found a group of us trekking out to Highland Park to the new Enrico's location for a "Soup and Snow day" as they are calling it. While walking in snow is a good workout, it's not the most fun thing in the world. We did however work on our balance, avoid injury, and invent terms like Model Row - when the path on the sidewalk is so narrow, you have to step one foot right in front of the other. After eating delicious soup, bread, and biscotti we felt much better.

After 5 days, I am so excited to go into work tomorrow. It's a good thing Love of Friends is this weekend. After the past week, Pittsburgh is going to need to party.

SNOWPACOLYPSE!

Here's what you need to do to survive a state of emergency snow day.

1. Make good decisions like choosing to live a block away from your neighborhood pub, so that you can enjoy pitchers of Yuengling even during a blizzard.

2. Keep your laptop/iphone/other lines of communication plugged in and fully charged so that in the case of lost power, you still have the internet.

3. When friends ask if you if they can come over because they're bored respond "Yes! But bring supplies i.e. wine and movies."

4. Two words: girly magazines.

5. Craft! The goal of sewing 200 tote bags out of old t-shirts as goody bags for an upcoming party is an excellent way to spend a day trapped inside.

6. Do all that stuff you always mean to get around to but never do like synching your iphone, painting your nails, giving yourself a facial, doing your laundry, etc.

7. Steal your roommates electric blanket.

8. Spend guilt-free hours on craigslist, texts from last night, apartment therapy, and all of those other websites you can't really justify being on while at work.

9. Make Belgian Waffles. 'nuff said.

10. Discover the BBC version of Gossip Girl; Skins. Even more outrageous than it's new york counterpart, and they're British! Also, the kid from About a Boy is in it...and he's hot now!

11. Enjoy the news. I don't remember the last time weathermen got to be this excited. Check out this guy from Baltimore.

12. Amaze yourself at your culinary creativity since the night before snowmageddon, you did not go to the grocery store for bread, milk, and toilet paper, but instead went to yoga, and now are stuck with a fridge containing cheese, avocado, eggs, and couscous.

13. Clean. Or, think about cleaning, then decide to do something else that involves less getting off the couch.